![]() ![]() On the morning of his 21st birthday, he woke up in the late afternoon. Nights of panic attacks and sobbing that sounded like a wounded animal as he laid on the rotten wooden floor became a routine. ![]() Being forced to go to work almost every day and be called ma'am or miss and be deadnamed constantly damaged his mental health to the point it felt easier just to be open with his identity.Īnything would be better than being forced to hide in this shell of terror. ![]() The next three years were some of the worse when it came to dysphoria. At least in this tiny space, he could be his true self without shaking in fear as he had in his past while being stuck in his parents’ home. When he was finally given the keys to the place he couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Y/N lucky had enough money saved from working in retail for the past 2 years to get a small apartment. You were just wiped off the face of the Earth. No one knew what happened when you were deemed “undesired” but everyone after having Sulter for three years knew that they would go missing and would be never seen of or heard from again. Shivers ran down his spine as he imagined what would happen to him if that became a reality. They’d look it up and find no Y/N L/N in England and call the police on him in a split second. He’d be signing his own death certificate if he put Y/N instead of his deadname on his application to rent. The cause of it was from one simple but yet complex question could he survive in this fascist regime? Sadness also fueled this emotional fire, sadness from knowing he’d have to use so many things he knew was wrong and didn’t describe him truthfully just so he could get a place to come to when curfew hit The name that was long dead to him the second it was given to him and female pronouns. A small pit in his stomach began to form as the sickening feeling came back. Three long years had passed and at the ripe age of 18, he moved out into the busy streets of London. Was it fear that caused this? Were they scared of losing their only child as many other families had? Was their bundle of joy in their life really an undesirable and the cause of this virus outbreak? Just why? He’d ask himself that as he was packing his bags in preparation to leave the family home for good. Having handfuls of freshly cut hair be ripped out because his mother was holding him by his scalp just to yell in his face how much of a monster he was broke his heart. It became violent and unlike the people who had raised him for the last 15 years. When hair was cut after Sutler was elected, there weren’t small arguments anymore that would be fixed when he’d be asked if he were hungry and wanted to eat supper with them. The comments like “You’re confused” slowly started to warp into something more demeaning to the boy as the Chancellor candidate’s toxic grip on the people of England started to squeeze any “unwanted” life out of it. The transphobia he had experienced grew like how weeds grow in futile soil. Oh, how those days would seem like a humid southern summer walk compared to when Sutler came into the picture. “It’s just a phase” was a comment that was thrown at them mostly by their parents when they were still in their teens, just before high Chancellor Sutler was ever in the eye of politics. Not something “bad” or “wrong” that people would call this feeling when he’d tell them. When Y/N was still just a child, he knew something was off about him. ![]()
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